My Story

My Story

One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten and eleven. Eleven what? Eleven different schools. I’ve been to eleven different schools all around the GTA. I’ve been to six schools in Toronto, a school in Etobicoke, another two in Vaughan, one more in Barrie and now here I am, settling in Oakville Ontario.  You’re wondering how much of a nightmare this could be for a 16-year-old girl, but it’s made me who I am, and it didn’t all go downhill.

The sixth time I moved schools was when I was in sixth grade. I  moved 5 other times in kindergarten, but that memory is faint. I was talking to my mother and she out of the blue she told me. “We’re moving.” I stood there. I did not understand how to feel. I was this happy 10-year-old girl that wasn’t ready for a change. I recall feeling so uncomfortable and heavy. I knew my younger sister would take it harder than I would so I pretended. I pretended that I was okay with it. I tried to convince myself that it won’t be all that bad- which was a trend I did every time my mother told me we were moving.

Fast forward to the end of the first term of Grade 8. Wow, I loved my school. The teachers the people, the school it was all amazing. It wasn’t anything special, but to me it was. I had made such a great bond with the people at my school. They were my family. I went through some lows and great highs with them. Two weeks before winter break there she said it. My mother. The words came out of her mouth and before she could finish her sentence, I knew exactly what she would say. I mean how could she say this?  I was so happy at my school, I loved the people and I thought these friends would be forever- as one does in middle school. You would imagine me throwing a tantrum, I mean who wouldn’t right? Well, I did not. My bones inside were trembling, my knees felt weak, I could collapse any second, but I held myself together and I pretended that I was okay. That I was so excited to move AGAIN! I went to school the next week and the word was coming to get out and soon my grade knew. Those 2 weeks were tough. Everyone was sad and miserable. I was also heartbroken, but I didn’t want it to show it. I pretended I was okay in front of everyone because if I cried everyone would too, so I kept it together until the last day. My teacher gave a toast and everyone lost it. Everyone was crying left to right. That winter break was spent moving up to Vaughan.

I lived in Vaughan for a short period. The second half of Grade 8 and the first month of high school. It wasn’t my favorite period of my life. I remember the first day. I walked into the class and everyone was staring at me. When I walked in right away I knew I hated it. In the middle of the day I ran out of gym class crying. Needing to keep it together was the only thing in my head. I was frustrated in myself how could I let this happen? Crying as quiet as a mouse hoping no one would notice. I went back pretending everything was okay. Living in Vaughan was terrible for me, but it didn’t last long.

Hello, high school. New city, new school, new people. A changed I needed. Grade 9 wasn’t that amazing but grade 10. Grade 10 felt right. I had a couple of friends that were my best friends. I had every class, every lunch, and spent after school together with them. In high school, there are so many fake people but I was lucky to find them, the hidden gems.  The end of grade 10, my mother told me we were moving yet again. This time I was furious I did not want to go. It comes to a point where you had enough, which was where I was. I was sick of it. I hated starting new, again and again. Although I was furious I felt numb this time. At this point I knew this was coming sooner or later. The optimism in me even knew. I spent nights overthinking about how it was going to be like. Starting new all the other times wasn’t as scary, but in grade 11 where people already established their friend groups and their highschool tone, I felt like an outsider invading.

First day of grade 11 was terrible. The first semester was exhausting in so many ways. Trying to make friends while being shy and introverted all in grade 11 was the worst thing in my life. That was my living nightmare. Trying to have a social life at this school felt impossible, not only that, I was struggling in school because I had all this stuff going in my head, it eventually took a toll on me. I fell into a deep dark hole in my head. I was there but my mind was always floating somewhere else. I remember a point where I just gave up. I needed to change. The new year and semester was exactly what I needed. I felt inspired to feel  alive again. I tried to come out of my comfort zone and talk to people. I was nervous, anxious and terrified but I did it. I have made a couple of friends here which is great.

With that all said, the print on the bottom left is my elementary school, Queen Victoria Public School. The colour was intentionally very faint to match my memory. My memory of that school is not as clear because it was, my childhood. The top left is my middle school, Hollycrest Middle School, it was one of my favourite schools I’ve been to. The printing of that school showed up a bit clearer than the elementary school but also to match my memory, the printing was still a little unclear. On the top right was one of highschools. The school was called Tommy Douglas Secondary school, and again the colour printed more opaque than the others shown on the left side but not as clear as the most recent school that I left. On the bottom right of that school, is a school called Innisdale Secondary School. Another one of my favourites. The school printed very clearly because it was one of the most recent schools that I attended, and again the transfer of the colour matches the memory I have of the school, which is clear.

After all these experiences I’ve gone through in such a short period of time, I was able to fight my way through keeping- for the most part, my head held high. I am very resilient because of my circumstances, but in a way I had to be. I had no other choice besides being sorry and miserable when I could at least try to be who I want to be. These experiences made me the person I am today. After constantly feeling like a fish out of water, I feel like anything that will come my way, I will be able to get through it even if it may take a little longer to do so.